Moo Moo Meadows
by suspect tomatoes
Summary: When Mario Kart gets too boring, Edge comes up with something even better. Edge, Christian and Jericho one-shot.


**A/N: I'm warning you right now… I'm gone.**

"I'm bored."

Adam looked at Chris emphatically then turned back to Jay. "Oh, are you, now?"

"Yeah." Jay threw the Wii wheel at the console. "Mario Kart sucks."

"You're the one who chose it," Adam sneered.

"Yeah, well I'm un-choosing it." Jay stood up weakly and stepped on an empty bag of Cheetos. "God, it's disgusting down here."

"Why do you think my wife never comes down here?" Chris stacked a few beer cans on the coffee table next to him. "It's my safe haven."

"It's a cave of bad dreams." Jay squinted around the smoky, dingy room. "I have nightmares when I go to sleep."

"You have nightmares because you can't hold your weed."

"That's not true!"

"Wanna get him on LSD?" Adam asked distractedly, spinning his own Wii controller to keep himself from flying off the race track. "I'd _love_ to see that."

"All paranoid and shit," Chris agreed with a laugh.

Jay put his hands on his hips. "For your information, I've _been_ on LSD and it's _boring_. Just like this _room_! Just like our _lives_."

"We're WWE Superstars. What's so boring about that?"

"We don't _do _anything! Every time we come home we immediately flock to Chris's dingy, bachelor pad basement to drink and play video games."

"Sounds fine to me," Adam said monotonously.

"Yeah, what's the big deal?" Jericho coughed and went under his coffee table, pulling out the dime bag of weed he had taped there. He started rolling.

Jay's eyes bugged out of his head. "_You see_? This is like a frat house! Weed taped under the tables, empty beer cans stacked up like a pyramid! We're in our _thirties_."

"Almost our forties," Chris said on an inhale. He held in the hit and handed it to Adam, who just opened his mouth. Chris put the joint between his teeth and sat back, letting out a long stream.

"You're almost as old as Ric Flair!"

"You don't think Ric Flair smokes pot?" Chris glared at him. "And I'm _hardly_ the same age as him! Jackass."

"You will not make this putt, ya_ jackass_!" Adam screamed, j still clenched between his pearly whites. He drove his car all over the track as he cackled with laughter.

"Don't swallow it!" Jericho yelled, but he was already laughing.

"I'm not getting high again," Jay barked.

"It won't be your choice, lightweight." Adam handed it back to Chris over his shoulder, eyes glued to the screen. "You'll just clambake like you usually do."

"I will _not_!"

"Think he'll talk to leprechauns again?" Adam asked, causing Chris to shoot smoke through his nose.

"It just so happens that Hornswoggle is a good friend of mine, thank you."

"You weren't talking to Hornswoggle." Chris was wheezing out laughs, rolling against the couch. He pointed to the corner. "You were... you were _over there_—"

"And you were talking like an Irish man!" Adam fell back, completely forgetting about his game, and laughed with Chris, eyes closed.

"Top o' da mahning to ya, laddy," Chris mimicked, but broke on a squeaky laugh and bent over against his knees.

Jay crossed his arms. "That's Scottish, asshole."

"Then you were Scottish!" Adam wiped his eyes, trying to calm himself. Another laugh exploded out of him. "Oh, God, I can't stop laughing!"

"You're talking so loud, dude!" Chris fell onto his side, kicking his legs. "You're talking so loud!"

Jay stared at them. "You're a bunch of idiots! _Idiots_!"

Adam sat up suddenly. He looked at Jay. "You said you were bored?"

"Yeah?"

"I've got the _perfect idea_."

* * *

"_Go-Karts_?" Jay stared up at the worn sign for Tampa Tires Go-Karts and Mini-Golfing, frowning when his giddy friends galloped past him. "Are we seriously doing this?"

Adam stopped suddenly, grabbing Chris's shoulder. "Hey. Hey, man. Do you... Do you think we can like... get _arrested_ for this?"

"Get DUI's?" Chris laughed obnoxiously, red-faced, eyes slits.

Adam covered his eyes. "Yeah, man. Oh, I can't have that on my record, man—"

"If you're going to be a pussy, ride with Jay." Chris fluttered his lips, choking on a laugh. He pointed at Jay. "_Designated driver_!"

Jay followed his frolicking friends to the entrance. He ended paying for all their admittances while Chris and Adam picked out which ride they wanted.

"Here's a two-person car," Chris said happily. "Jay, your wife's waiting for you to unlock the door!"

Adam tried to smack him. "Shut up, man, I just don't want to go to jail!"

"See you bitches later!" And off he went, in search of his own vehicle.

Jay stared at Adam with his hands in his pockets.

It was about five minutes later when Adam finally looked up from his unblinking gaze, turning to Jay. "Hey, when did you get here?"

"Get in the car," Jay sighed.

Adam got in next to his friend and waited for the rest of the kids to get their own cars.

Jay sighed. "We're in our thirties."

"Yeah." Adam nodded for a while. "You ever think about time-travel?"

"I mean, we're in a _go-kart_. We're too old for this."

"The space-time continuum? I wonder what it's like to go through it."

"Your knees are up to your chin and my _ass_ is _right_ on the fucking seat divider—"

"You think you could get motion sickness? I mean, you're flying through time and space. What would happen if you threw up? Would it land in 1955 or something?"

"And I can barely—" Jay paused. "What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

Adam stared straight ahead, then turned to Jay, a goofy smile on his face. "You ever think about our brains? I always think of it like a NASA control base. All these little Adams running around inside, searching for this, pressing buttons and whatnot."

Jay rubbed a hand down his face. "Jesus God—"

"Do you think they'd ever push the self-destruct button? That's why you gotta respect your body, man, because it can _fuck you up_ if you don't. That's why I respect _my_ body."

Jay just folded against his arms.

"But why would I have a self-destruct button? Unless some little evil Adam somehow passed the bar test to get a license to work in my brain."

Jay glared at all the happy children. "Jesus _Christ_, how long does it take for you fucking munchkins to pick out a _car_?"

Adam snapped his fingers. "I bet it was that bastard controlling my liver. That fucker's been out to get me for a while now."

"Why aren't you coming down!?" Jay screamed.

Adam frowned at him. "What are you talking about?"

"It's been an hour! Shouldn't you be coming down?"

Adam glanced over the side of the car, then back at Jay. "Coming down from what?"

A loud horn resounded throughout the entire course.

"_Racers, on your marks..."_

Adam looked around frantically. "What's going on?"

"_Get set_..."

He clutched his head. "Oh no! _They pushed it_!"

"_Go_!"

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAHAHAHA!" Chris screamed from the beginning of the line, flooring it before the light even turned green.

Jay stepped on the gas and rammed into the fat kid in front of him, pulling off to the left to pass him.

"AH! AH!" Adam winced at every car they passed. "Slow down! What are you doing!?"

"Trying to kill Chris," Jay muttered.

Adam screamed and covered his face, diving deep between his knees to keep himself from getting hurt.

Chris had already lapped them, swerving the car, giving children under the age of six the middle finger as he passed them. "You'll never catch me, you _bastards_!"

Jay pressed the gas as hard as he could.

"Jay..."

He turned sharply, going onto the grass slightly, but righted himself as he continued his pursuit of Chris.

"_Jay_..."

He looked over at Adam quickly. "What?"

Adam stared at him, face pale. "I wouldn't be able to make it through time and space."

"What are you_—OH MY GOD_!" Jay swerved when Adam puked over the side of the car, leaving a trail of beer-soaked Cheetos behind them.

"Hey, no fair!" Chris yelled. He skidded past the vomit. "I don't have any turtle shells to throw at you!"

Jay went around the bend smoothly, watching Chris out of the corner of his eye. But Chris was off in his own world, trying to crash the same fat kid in front of him.

Jay turned back to the road just in time to see the left wheel fly over Adam's puke.

And then the car was spinning.

"I'M TRIPPING! I'M TRIPPING!" Adam screeched, covering his head.

Jay braced himself when he heard the solid sound of metal crunching against concrete. And all was still.

Cars zoomed past them loudly, Chris's maniacal laughter echoing in their ears.

"Are you all right?" Jay asked quietly.

Adam was shivering, but he lifted his head, looking around. "Where are we?"

Jay looked up. "We hit the building."

"Did we go through time?"

Jay blinked. "No. We spun out."

"And went through time," Adam said slowly.

"And went through a _fence_."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Jay and Adam turned to watch Chris spin the kid off the track. But in a fit of madness, Chris went off himself, deliberately, and drove through one of the fences across from them.

Except he didn't stop.

He kept driving, head back, laughter exploding out of him, and disappeared into the setting sun.

"He's a hero," Adam mumbled, amazed.

"He's a retard." Jay got out. "Now I have to pay for two go-karts."

Adam covered his face tiredly. "I think I'm coming down now."

"Good. You can pay for one of them, then."

They went inside and explained the situation to the owner. Though incredibly angry, he allowed them to pay for the damage, granted they sign something for his six year old son.

They had just stepped out into the golden evening when Chris came blowing past them on the ragged car.

"YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE, _COPPERS_!" he screamed, looking over his shoulder to laugh.

A police car pulled up next to Jay and Adam. Two cops got out and started walking toward Chris's fifteen mile an hour vehicle, shaking their heads. One of them glanced at Jay.

"Wow, are you Christian?"

Jay glanced over at the other one when he grabbed Chris by the scruff of the neck and started beating him with his billy club.

"Yes," he answered.

The cop fawned, then looked where Jay was looking. "Is that your friend? I'm sure we can let him go if you want us to. It'd be our pleasure."

Jay looked over when Chris got away from the cop, laughing and running across the road with a ripped shirt and one shoe on.

He looked back at the officer. "Never seen him before in my life."

**A/N: There was no plot. Honestly. Just a stream of consciousness. Review.**


End file.
